El Kiablo

Beast Head Card Monte

Wed, 01 Jul 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Before you say: but the Beast wouldn't let himself be used in such a petty con, let me remind you that greed is a deadly sin and can you play a street corner betting game without having greed in your heart?

Further reading: I have a lot of good Beast cartoons, but lets just explain shell games in case people don't know them

Once again the savage realities of autumn ruin my snappy comeback

Sun, 28 Jun 2009 00:00:00 GMT

You've raked your bed, now lie in it

Further reading: Although it looks kind of plain, this cartoon is still pretty great. Maybe I could make a fortune selling books on emotional color wheels to sensitive new agers; its a helluva gimmick

Changing that verse would lead to man-horse nuptials, but it would still be better than some of the stuff in the bible

Sat, 27 Jun 2009 00:00:00 GMT

If the only acceptable marriage is to reunite two things god purposefully separated at creation, then why am I not marrying a placenta right now

Further reading: This list of the top fifty movie trailers of all time has some interesting picks...

Urban Tumbleweeds

Fri, 26 Jun 2009 00:00:00 GMT

God is a homeless man and tumbleweeds are his shopping cart

Further reading: I found this after I google image searched the word "pornography" with safe search on. I don't know what it means, but I kind of like it. (It contains no nudity.)

The Sound Of One Glove Smacking

Thu, 25 Jun 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Giant hands don't do well in gunfights because they have to hold the gun over their face, thus obscuring their vision, and they can only point the barrel towards the sky if they want to stand up... Thus the phrase "you are the kind of idiot that would bring a giant hand to a gun fight"

Further reading: This is completely unrelated, but here's a cool video I discovered the other day

More on the sexual lives of Sasquatches

Mon, 22 Jun 2009 00:00:00 GMT

That's why they are the missing link. The chain is from primates that do not have the concept of virginity to primates that do, and Sasquatches - as animals that understand chastity but not virginity - are that hypothetical vital connective tissue

Further reading: I think I've probably done a bunch of cartoons about bonobo sexual habits. But can you blame me? chimp humping is an easy joke that never wears out its welcome

For this cartoon to work you have to assume that men are carrying around purses with tiny dogs in them

Sun, 21 Jun 2009 00:00:00 GMT

If there was some way to turn this monkey on my back into a teacup monkey though, well, I'd be appreciative

Further reading: This Tuesday - ie two days from now - all 16 El Kiablo animations are going to be played at the Someday Lounge's monthly Incubator open mic night thing. If you're 21 and in town you should stop by...

I would climb the highest mountain for you... if that's what you're into

Sat, 20 Jun 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Jeff Foxworthy once said that a good friend is someone you can't call to bail you out of jail because they got locked up with you. Similarly, a good lover is one who can't unbury you alive because they got buried alive with you. Mmmm. Coffin spooning

Further reading: These abandoned places are vaguely romantic and vaguely creepy, so they work for this cartoon. Who knew Chernobyl ruined so many towns?

Sex lines where the operators may or may not have genitalia are to be avoided

Fri, 19 Jun 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Chewbacca's font is called "Carbon Block". Given that there was no Solo-in-Carbonite-Block font, it'll have to do

Further reading: How the hell do you transcribe this noise? Jesus

What a swell fellow that Tom Hanks is!

Wed, 17 Jun 2009 00:00:00 GMT

I know the original Abraham Lincoln quote was about fooling people, not pleasing people, but what does that tell you about where Abe's mind is at? That guy was like a chocoholic for fooling

Further reading: This was inspired by an article I read saying that Tom Hanks movie Angels and Demons is the number one box office film so far of 2009, and the only film to break $400 million this year, and also undeniably mediocre and forgettable, but not totally in a bad way